Bonus Book! The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Self-Help (2016 - 204 pp.)

After eight years of not posting entries on self-help books, I'm doing two in a month. 

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson sets out why we should all focus on what's actually important, allocating the fucks we give (his terminology) toward our goals and our families rather than the millions of distractions available to us every day. He warns against indifference, noting that to not give a fuck about anything is, ironically, a decision one makes regarding the giving of fucks.

This message was relevant in 2016, but it's even more relevant now that the world is overtaken by the COVID-19 pandemic. With families separated by social distancing measures, and cultural landmarks shuttered, relatively few sources of love or entertainment remain. There's no point in caring how nice your suit looks when your work meetings are all by phone. There's no point in caring what other people think of you when you're stuck at home by yourself. There's no point in caring which restaurants you can be seen at when they're all relegated to takeout. Perhaps 2020 is the year when The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, already a bestseller, becomes a mantra. Compared to a lethal virus, why care about your cancelled wedding?

The section entitled "Emotions are overrated" (33) goes against a lot of the modern literature, but I'm inclined to side with Mark, who states that emotions are impulse-driven incentives for us to seek out certain activities and avoid others. Contrary to the recent popular narrative than talking about one's emotions takes courage, or is difficult, I'd argue that talking about your own emotions is actually the easiest thing you can do. They're your emotions, so you, by definition, are the world's leading expert. They're emotions, so you can't be wrong about them. If you tell me King Charles XII of Sweden died in what's now Ukraine, or that a hydrogen atom has a valence of 2, I can tell you you're wrong. If you tell me you're happy or sad or angry, no one can tell you you're wrong. Imagine being an expert on something that can never be proven wrong. Easy.

I'm three years younger than Mark. We're clearly of the same generation. I smiled when Mark mentioned his oversized Pantera T-shirt;* (48) the comparison of Dave Mustaine to Pete Best (78-79) is also a fun one, in part because I have such positive memories of listening to both Metallica and Megadeth. I think Mustaine is more satisfied with his career than Mark admits, but still, "not as successful as Metallica" is a tough metric to live by.

Occasionally, Mark attributes problems to "shitty values" when the question of what is causing those problems is far from answered. On relationships, he says:

A friend of mine recently got engaged to be married. The guy who proposed to her is pretty solid. He doesn't drink. He doesn't hit her or mistreat her. He's friendly and has a good job. (135)

Let's break down this paragraph. Mark mentions three things this guy doesn't do,** an adjective so generic as to be meaningless (who isn't "friendly" at least some of the time?), and then makes a vague statement that could describe anyone from an accountant to a pro athlete. (What is "a good job"? What if this guy ever gets fired?) I don't know a thing about this guy from this paragraph. What if, instead, the paragraph read, "He's an amateur craft beer expert. He's great at hitting a tennis ball and he always holds her hand. He's constantly making new friends through his volunteer work. He's passionate about his career."? For all Mark attacks his friend's brother, who apparently (I don't know them) projects his own fears onto his sister's engagement, Mark thought this man justified a feature in his book but couldn't name one good thing about him. Similarly, Mark mentions having gone to fifty-five countries, but sees no need to name them or to say what he gained from going. A lack of good things to say about a person, place or experience speaks far louder than the presence of bad things.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck ends with Mark's trip to the Cape of Good Hope.^ (194) As someone who is captivated by geographical extreme points, and has written on them on this blog before, I thought it was the perfect way to end the book. Being in Africa but with your eyes set on Antarctica, thirty feet above a sheer drop to the confluence of two major oceans, contemplating a jump^^ before walking back to Cape Town. Although international travel is more difficult these days than it has been in a long time, I hope to get there someday too.

Ease of Reading: 10

Educational Content: 1

*My oversized Pantera T-shirt is the one with the snake in fire on it.

**You know who else doesn't do bad things? Dead people, butterflies and houseplants. "I'm marrying the wisteria!" just doesn't have a ring to it.

^This may or may not violate my "no spoilers" rule, but really, I don't think it's possible to spoil a self-help book.

^^Thirty feet actually isn't that far to jump, provided you jump with proper technique. The key is to have a motorboat ready to pick you up after you submerge.