Almost caught up! Watch for a particularly jazzy entry next week.
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Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen
Psychology (2010 – 295 pp.)
Difficult Conversations is one of the many products of the Harvard Negotiation Project, which was established to correct many of the human problems faced in business, law and other settings. It was originally published in 1994, with a foreword and FAQ added in the 2010 edition.
For the most part, Difficult Conversations is a great book everyone needs to read. Much of the book contains information that appears obvious to the reader upon being told it but that is likely few readers could have conjured on their own. It’s quick, it’s accessible, it’s applicable in almost any situation, and it really gets at a big issue people tend to ignore – how to deal with difficult conversations. Every part of a difficult conversation is analyzed at length, from perspectives of the parties to what a difficult conversation means for someone’s identity. Charts throughout the book help illustrate how different problems arise in different situations and which techniques can be applied where. It’s also broken down into bite-sized chunks, including an index at the back listing all the sub-chapters.
Difficult Conversations is very good at pointing out the errors people make. People commit fundamental attribution error. People jump to conclusions. People don’t consider that they may be exhibiting the same behaviours they condemn in others. Thankfully, most people are also quite receptive to hearing a question or a statement worded the right way. Sometimes, all people need is to feel validated. The sub-chapter title “Good Intentions Don’t Sanitize Bad Impact” is an example of an error that comes up in difficult conversations all the time. The sub-chapter heading “Don’t Present Your Conclusions as The Truth” is another one people understand on an intellectual level yet often fail to follow in practice. “Don’t Rely on Subtext” is one I hadn’t thought about enough but now I’ll start.
The aforementioned FAQ unpacks quite a bit. As someone who is usually against the idea of objective truth outside the realm of algebra, I like the approach Stone, Patton and Heen take. Their discussion of false memories, although they do not use that term, informs the reader on what he or she thought he or she knew. Possibly the best answer is the one to “Who has time for all this in the real world?” which is, quite bluntly, that people make time all the time and don’t realize it. A short conversation now instead of a long fight later is something I’ve preached in every relationship I’ve had since I’ve started learning about negotiations. Seeing Difficult Conversations state that principle so emphatically is one of the highlights of the 2010 edition.
As with any book, I have a few minor qualms. One arises on pages 41-42 in the discussion of alcoholism: “Even when it seems the dispute’s about what’s true, you may find that being the one who’s right doesn’t get you very far. Your friend may deny he is an alcoholic and that his drinking is affecting his marriage.” Alcoholism-like behaviour may be a symptom of a root cause like anxiety or depression; considering the alcoholism to be the problem in that case would actually be wrong, even if the friend falls under the medical definition of alcoholism. Another is in the mini-section “Think like a Mediator” on page 150. It states that “Mediators don’t possess some magical intuition that allows them to do this. They are relying on a formula (and a lot of practice), and this formula can be learned by anyone.” The “(and a lot of practice)” caveat aside, this statement downplays the considerable education and training a significant portion of mediators require. Finally, Difficult Conversations often comes off as the exact sort of touchy-feely, soft book that makes too many corporate cultures roll their eyes. For a book like Difficult Conversations to sell itself to a business or legal audience, explanation of where profits come from is always a plus. As a book for more general consumption, it already succeeds just fine.
Of course, a big thank-you to the lovely lady who lent me this book. Our difficult conversations have been the most fun ones yet.
Ease of Reading: 8
Educational Content: 6
Friday, May 23, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
A Tale of April 30ths
Here in beautiful Edmonton, Alberta...
On April 30, 2013, it was -5 degrees Celsius and snowing.
On April 30, 2014, it was 21 degrees and clear.
This is worth noting.
On April 30, 2013, it was -5 degrees Celsius and snowing.
On April 30, 2014, it was 21 degrees and clear.
This is worth noting.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Dragonvale: The Napkins
It's something of a miracle I hadn't blogged about Dragonvale before now. I've been playing the game since early November and have acquired hundreds of adorable little dragons since then, including such notables as two Sun Dragons, four Leap Year Dragons, a Rainbow Dragon, a Panlong Dragon, a Cotton Dragon, a Victory Dragon, numerous gemstone dragons, and the legendary Kairos.
Nina S. Levy, a mother and blogger who I can't envision having leftover time for much else given how busy she looks, painted some beautiful Dragonvale-themed napkins for her sons a couple years ago. They are all incredibly done and will no doubt survive in the boys' lives as valuable pieces of their art collections. I've certainly never seen anything comparable on a napkin medium.
Some of my favourites:
Fire Dragon
Sun Dragon
Moon Dragon
Each has its own thoughtful message to the recipient. Looks like the boys enjoyed some good lunches.
Nina S. Levy, a mother and blogger who I can't envision having leftover time for much else given how busy she looks, painted some beautiful Dragonvale-themed napkins for her sons a couple years ago. They are all incredibly done and will no doubt survive in the boys' lives as valuable pieces of their art collections. I've certainly never seen anything comparable on a napkin medium.
Some of my favourites:
Fire Dragon
Sun Dragon
Moon Dragon
Each has its own thoughtful message to the recipient. Looks like the boys enjoyed some good lunches.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
March's Book: The Bro Code
The Bro Code by Barney Stinson and Matt Kuhn
Pop Culture (2008 - 195 pp.)
With the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother wrapping up this past Monday night, there was really no other month to read this book. I had to read it now or risk reviewing it when it would appear far less relevant. Having been a month behind on these books ever since the dreaded ice storm of this past December, this was a perfect opportunity for a quicker read.
For those unaware, an extremely abridged background: Barney Stinson is a character on How I Met Your Mother, played by Neil Patrick Harris. He is a wealthy 30-something corporate executive known for his alcohol consumption and womanizing. He lives by a document referred to as the Bro Code, which has been replicated in full for all of our enjoyment. The Bro Code is divided into 150 articles, as well as short ending sections on amendments and violations. The whole thing is something of a statute for being a bro.
One of the best features of The Bro Code is its interactive nature. Article 86 concerns the "Hot/Crazy Scale" men can use to evaluate wives, girlfriends or one-night stands, complete with a magazine-style quiz. (113) Article 89, "A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro" includes a Mad Lib of sorts (117) that gave me the unique opportunity to use the phrase "beanbag chair whittling". Article 102 allows the reader to consider the practical application of game (133) and Article 127, on reconstructing the events of a particularly interesting night, includes its own MENSA puzzle (163) that I got mostly right.
A problem I have with The Bro Code, by which I mean it makes me less of a bro, is the phenomenon known as "broflation". It is defined in the book's glossary as "(1) a sudden increase in female expectations about how dudes should act." (193) It comes up in Article 39 regarding how soon not to call a woman, specifically that the supposed three-day rule should be jettisoned in favour of a 96-hour rule in order to lower women's expectations about men. (56) My tendency to call people in general makes it far more likely I'll violate the Bro Code by calling a woman sooner than I should, thus exposing me to the Punishments section at the back of the book.
The Bro Code comes with burdens that may impede otherwise efficient life. Article 30, "A Bro doesn't comparison shop" (45) just seems impractical. It would have been nice to see what Barney has against getting deals considering he wears suits so often. Article 81, "A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros" (106), contradicts wisdom gleaned from the Seinfeld episode when Jerry accidentally drops a toothbrush into a toilet, the reason I leave the toilet seat and lid down to this day.
I can't possibly pretend this book has any educational content whatsoever. It's verging on an advertisement. It's a great advertisement for a great show, though. Thanks to a good friend for reviewing this months ago. It was as quick a read as suspected.
Ease of Reading: 10
Educational Content: 1
Monday, March 31, 2014
February's Book: This Is How You Die
This Is How You Die ed. by Ryan North, Matthew Bennardo and David Malki
Literature (2013 - 475 pp.)
This Is How You Die is the sequel to 2010's smash hit Machine of Death, a book about a machine that tells people how they will die but not where, when or why. The concept is explained briefly here, in its very first appearance half a decade before the first installment's publication. Each book is divided into short stories, some written by the editors and most submitted by fans. Machine of Death is one of my favourite books, so the prospect of a sequel got my attention immediately. The surprising thing was that I read it a little over half a year after its release date, not sooner.
The book's promise that it takes the world of the Machine in new directions is absolutely true. While Machine of Death uses the Machine in a variety of contexts, from an adolescent rite of passage to a virtual taboo, This Is How You Die expands its scope beyond our world into sci-fi, fantasy and other realms. My one complaint about this expansion is that the Machine by itself can make an otherwise mundane modern (some might even say "literary") setting into a captivating story, whereas people shooting each other with rayguns don't need a Machine of Death to make the story otherworldly. The more like everyday life the world is without the Machine, the more jarring its presence is. That said, "Lazarus Reactor Fission Sequence", reminiscent of a cross between a mad scientist tale and a Cold War-era spy novel, is one of the more compelling reads. So is "Not Applicable", the story that probably confounds the concept of death the most. The Machine is daunting enough in regular society, so the prospect of it becoming somehow confused can become ominous in a hurry. "La Mort d'un Retourier" places the story in history rather than in another world, which is a nice touch but that is used sparingly in the book for maximum novelty.
My favourite story in This Is How You Die might be the opener, "Old Age, Surrounded by Loved Ones". It is one of the more introspective stories in either book, examining the way death predictions can take on so many different meanings in our lives. It is a fitting opener for part 2 but would have been a strange way to introduce the Machine, so readers are recommended to read part 1 first. Other highlights include some of the more creative story formats - "Meat Eater"'s downright creepy children's manual and "Your Choice"'s gamebook-styled theme make for their own contemplation of how someone presented with a Machine might try to evade its prediction. "Meat Eater" confronts the understandable fear children may have of the Machine in much the same way they may fear a measles vaccination, at once sympathizing with its life-altering capabilities and brushing them aside. "Your Choice" may include one of the frankest discussions of suicide I have ever read in fiction, showing the reader what the impact of a prediction can be on the people surrounding the one who receives it. "Execution by Beheading" addresses the unfortunate dissonance between how different people interpret the prediction cards.
Still others discuss situations rather than causes, which complicates matters. "Screaming, Crying, Alone and Afraid" makes the reader scared for the ones who are about to die rather than merely interested in their deaths. "Peacefully" considers what occurs if the range of possibilities is constrained greatly from the typically assumed cornucopia of millions of different predictions. Seeing a verb or adverb on a prediction card is not something I had considered before but must in many ways be far more chilling than a traditional "OLD AGE", "IN SLEEP" or even "MURDER".
One thought that crossed my mind, and has likely crossed many others, is what I would do if I knew how I would die. A key consideration is that encountering the cause of death does not necessarily mean death is imminent. For example, someone drawing "CANCER" may then develop one form of cancer, survive it, and then succumb to a different form of cancer decades later. All someone can do is live life with the cause of death entering whenever it does, with the best outcome being exactly what it was before the Machine: not knowing how you'll die.
Ease of Reading: 9
Educational Content: 3
Literature (2013 - 475 pp.)
This Is How You Die is the sequel to 2010's smash hit Machine of Death, a book about a machine that tells people how they will die but not where, when or why. The concept is explained briefly here, in its very first appearance half a decade before the first installment's publication. Each book is divided into short stories, some written by the editors and most submitted by fans. Machine of Death is one of my favourite books, so the prospect of a sequel got my attention immediately. The surprising thing was that I read it a little over half a year after its release date, not sooner.
The book's promise that it takes the world of the Machine in new directions is absolutely true. While Machine of Death uses the Machine in a variety of contexts, from an adolescent rite of passage to a virtual taboo, This Is How You Die expands its scope beyond our world into sci-fi, fantasy and other realms. My one complaint about this expansion is that the Machine by itself can make an otherwise mundane modern (some might even say "literary") setting into a captivating story, whereas people shooting each other with rayguns don't need a Machine of Death to make the story otherworldly. The more like everyday life the world is without the Machine, the more jarring its presence is. That said, "Lazarus Reactor Fission Sequence", reminiscent of a cross between a mad scientist tale and a Cold War-era spy novel, is one of the more compelling reads. So is "Not Applicable", the story that probably confounds the concept of death the most. The Machine is daunting enough in regular society, so the prospect of it becoming somehow confused can become ominous in a hurry. "La Mort d'un Retourier" places the story in history rather than in another world, which is a nice touch but that is used sparingly in the book for maximum novelty.
My favourite story in This Is How You Die might be the opener, "Old Age, Surrounded by Loved Ones". It is one of the more introspective stories in either book, examining the way death predictions can take on so many different meanings in our lives. It is a fitting opener for part 2 but would have been a strange way to introduce the Machine, so readers are recommended to read part 1 first. Other highlights include some of the more creative story formats - "Meat Eater"'s downright creepy children's manual and "Your Choice"'s gamebook-styled theme make for their own contemplation of how someone presented with a Machine might try to evade its prediction. "Meat Eater" confronts the understandable fear children may have of the Machine in much the same way they may fear a measles vaccination, at once sympathizing with its life-altering capabilities and brushing them aside. "Your Choice" may include one of the frankest discussions of suicide I have ever read in fiction, showing the reader what the impact of a prediction can be on the people surrounding the one who receives it. "Execution by Beheading" addresses the unfortunate dissonance between how different people interpret the prediction cards.
Still others discuss situations rather than causes, which complicates matters. "Screaming, Crying, Alone and Afraid" makes the reader scared for the ones who are about to die rather than merely interested in their deaths. "Peacefully" considers what occurs if the range of possibilities is constrained greatly from the typically assumed cornucopia of millions of different predictions. Seeing a verb or adverb on a prediction card is not something I had considered before but must in many ways be far more chilling than a traditional "OLD AGE", "IN SLEEP" or even "MURDER".
One thought that crossed my mind, and has likely crossed many others, is what I would do if I knew how I would die. A key consideration is that encountering the cause of death does not necessarily mean death is imminent. For example, someone drawing "CANCER" may then develop one form of cancer, survive it, and then succumb to a different form of cancer decades later. All someone can do is live life with the cause of death entering whenever it does, with the best outcome being exactly what it was before the Machine: not knowing how you'll die.
Ease of Reading: 9
Educational Content: 3
Monday, March 3, 2014
"January"'s Book: A Widow for One Year
I'll catch up on these, I swear! I think I can keep blaming that ice storm. This was also a bit of a longer book but well worth the read.
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A Widow for One Year by John Irving
Literature (1998 - 537 pp.)
I read A Prayer for Owen Meany back in high school, and enjoyed it thoroughly, yet had inexplicably never read a John Irving book since. Suffice to say, for those unfamiliar with Irving's work, it's generally set in the Northeastern United States, is absolutely hilarious, contains vivid descriptions of what once seemed like mundane activities, and contains lots of semicolons. A Widow for One Year is divided into sections taking place in 1958, 1990 and 1995, all marking pivotal occasions in the characters' lives. I liked the 1958 section the best but found all to be interesting, especially in light of understanding just how different the world is to the same people of different ages.
Unlike many other books about authors, A Widow for One Year is about bad authors and is very open about it. Ruth Cole writes blatantly autobiographical books she claims are anything but that, while delivering impassioned speeches on the merits of making characters and settings entirely fabricated. Her mother Marion is unable to write about any topic unrelated to her boys. Eddie O'Hare is unable to write about any topic unrelated to the summer he spent with Marion at sixteen. The books become personal therapy sessions to the characters; to Irving, they are a stealthy commentary on the extrinsic factors appearing in all authors' works. Perhaps the most telling commentary on attempts to create novel situations in books, which Ruth attempts to do with at best mixed success, is from a prostitute: "Everything's happened." (335) By the '90s, shock attempts failed to go as far. That every author in the book writes predictable, insipid, formulaic stories in the '80s and '90s speaks to this.
In addition to describing bad authors, Irving makes Ruth an utterly detestable character very effectively. She is wary of men, judgmental toward her best friend, and dismissive of anyone who attempts to get her autograph when she's in the US. One of the more disturbing scenes occurs when she tells a man she isn't in the mood for dinner without giving any reason why, then proceeds to call him the next day on the assumption he'll want to come over - and have sex with her. (271) The only thing stranger than this series of events is that she actually ends up being right. Her portrayal of herself as a sympathetic character, and her father's agreement, is unsettling in light of the events which follow.
A Widow for One Year also contains some very telling criticism of the human condition. The whole book is permeated by a conflict between confidence being scary and natural, as in "To her, he was confidence itself - he as absolutely terrifying" (110) and "A man should be confident, Ruth thought; after all, men were designed to be aggressive." (202) It reminds me of my role as a man, any other confident and aggressive man's, and how those roles play out in the psyche of a character to the clerk in the first passage or like Ruth. Similarly interesting is a frank discussion of the shadier labour practices of Amsterdam's red light district. The mention of debt bondage (415) calls to mind plantations and factories virtually absent from the western world but for these few sordid patches of human trafficking. Finally, Irving enters the book's final phase with, in the midst of a hopelessly comic attraction, one of the most pointed comments on love I have ever read: "But who can distinguish between falling in love and imagining falling in love? Even genuinely falling in love is an act of the imagination." (466-467) The beginning makes me think of perception versus reality imagery, the whole passage in the context of the book speaks to so many people's incompetence in love, and the end is one of the most heartwarming phrases a creative, artsy person can read.
Although I can't discuss the ending directly, as I don't want to spoil the book for anyone, I'll say it doesn't have the same flair the iconic ending of A Prayer for Owen Meany does. A book like this one is such a slice of life it's difficult to have a good ending. As much as I don't completely buy the ending Irving gives it, I like the circular nature of the story. That's all I can tell.
Ease of Reading: 9
Educational Content: 2
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A Widow for One Year by John Irving
Literature (1998 - 537 pp.)
I read A Prayer for Owen Meany back in high school, and enjoyed it thoroughly, yet had inexplicably never read a John Irving book since. Suffice to say, for those unfamiliar with Irving's work, it's generally set in the Northeastern United States, is absolutely hilarious, contains vivid descriptions of what once seemed like mundane activities, and contains lots of semicolons. A Widow for One Year is divided into sections taking place in 1958, 1990 and 1995, all marking pivotal occasions in the characters' lives. I liked the 1958 section the best but found all to be interesting, especially in light of understanding just how different the world is to the same people of different ages.
Unlike many other books about authors, A Widow for One Year is about bad authors and is very open about it. Ruth Cole writes blatantly autobiographical books she claims are anything but that, while delivering impassioned speeches on the merits of making characters and settings entirely fabricated. Her mother Marion is unable to write about any topic unrelated to her boys. Eddie O'Hare is unable to write about any topic unrelated to the summer he spent with Marion at sixteen. The books become personal therapy sessions to the characters; to Irving, they are a stealthy commentary on the extrinsic factors appearing in all authors' works. Perhaps the most telling commentary on attempts to create novel situations in books, which Ruth attempts to do with at best mixed success, is from a prostitute: "Everything's happened." (335) By the '90s, shock attempts failed to go as far. That every author in the book writes predictable, insipid, formulaic stories in the '80s and '90s speaks to this.
In addition to describing bad authors, Irving makes Ruth an utterly detestable character very effectively. She is wary of men, judgmental toward her best friend, and dismissive of anyone who attempts to get her autograph when she's in the US. One of the more disturbing scenes occurs when she tells a man she isn't in the mood for dinner without giving any reason why, then proceeds to call him the next day on the assumption he'll want to come over - and have sex with her. (271) The only thing stranger than this series of events is that she actually ends up being right. Her portrayal of herself as a sympathetic character, and her father's agreement, is unsettling in light of the events which follow.
A Widow for One Year also contains some very telling criticism of the human condition. The whole book is permeated by a conflict between confidence being scary and natural, as in "To her, he was confidence itself - he as absolutely terrifying" (110) and "A man should be confident, Ruth thought; after all, men were designed to be aggressive." (202) It reminds me of my role as a man, any other confident and aggressive man's, and how those roles play out in the psyche of a character to the clerk in the first passage or like Ruth. Similarly interesting is a frank discussion of the shadier labour practices of Amsterdam's red light district. The mention of debt bondage (415) calls to mind plantations and factories virtually absent from the western world but for these few sordid patches of human trafficking. Finally, Irving enters the book's final phase with, in the midst of a hopelessly comic attraction, one of the most pointed comments on love I have ever read: "But who can distinguish between falling in love and imagining falling in love? Even genuinely falling in love is an act of the imagination." (466-467) The beginning makes me think of perception versus reality imagery, the whole passage in the context of the book speaks to so many people's incompetence in love, and the end is one of the most heartwarming phrases a creative, artsy person can read.
Although I can't discuss the ending directly, as I don't want to spoil the book for anyone, I'll say it doesn't have the same flair the iconic ending of A Prayer for Owen Meany does. A book like this one is such a slice of life it's difficult to have a good ending. As much as I don't completely buy the ending Irving gives it, I like the circular nature of the story. That's all I can tell.
Ease of Reading: 9
Educational Content: 2
Sunday, February 2, 2014
An Interesting Fact from This Year's Superbowl
Here are the scores of every NFC playoff game this season and then the score of the Superbowl. Point differentials are bolded in parentheses.
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San Francisco 23, Green Bay 20 (3)
New Orleans 26, Philadelphia 24 (2)
San Francisco 23, Carolina 10 (13)
Seattle 23, New Orleans 15 (8)
Seattle 23, San Francisco 17 (6)
3 + 2 + 13 + 8 + 6 = 32
Seattle 43, Denver 8 (35)
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That's right, folks. The Seattle Seahawks just won the Superbowl by more points than all the NFC winners won all their games by combined. It goes to show how competitive the NFC was this year.
Strangely enough, the winner of any NFC game Seattle and/or San Francisco played in had a victor with a point total of 23. Imagine the odds that would have garnered in Vegas.
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San Francisco 23, Green Bay 20 (3)
New Orleans 26, Philadelphia 24 (2)
San Francisco 23, Carolina 10 (13)
Seattle 23, New Orleans 15 (8)
Seattle 23, San Francisco 17 (6)
3 + 2 + 13 + 8 + 6 = 32
Seattle 43, Denver 8 (35)
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That's right, folks. The Seattle Seahawks just won the Superbowl by more points than all the NFC winners won all their games by combined. It goes to show how competitive the NFC was this year.
Strangely enough, the winner of any NFC game Seattle and/or San Francisco played in had a victor with a point total of 23. Imagine the odds that would have garnered in Vegas.
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